You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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