I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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