I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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