He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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