Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
