My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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