You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
