listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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