My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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