The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
