I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
