people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
