we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
