are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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