Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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