apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
