Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
