Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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