I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
