she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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