that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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