I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Nicole vs. Life
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
