Define "chronic" masturbator.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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