I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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