Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
