YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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