She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
