And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
