i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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