I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
zippers are such a cool invention
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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