I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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