cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
