Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so let's talk penis.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
