I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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