I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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