Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
