What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
