Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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