You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
