I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
