do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
