I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
