The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
