The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Houston, we have a blender
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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