So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
