I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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