yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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