I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
