I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
