YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
