One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
