I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
