My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
