Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
